For Happy Marriage, we have seen in my earlier blog

“Increase Happiness in Your Relationships”, 

that there is only one rule:

UNDERSTAND THE OTHER AND ACCEPT THE WAY HE/SHE IS

In this article I shall discuss my 2^nd recommendation for Happy Marriage. 

RECOMMENDATION 2: DON’T BE JUDGMENTAL

As a Marriage Counselor, I have experienced another very common reason of unhappiness among couples and that is

We Become Judgmental.

We can understand from our experience.

Suppose we have gone to watch a movie and liked it very much.

After we come back and meet a friend and tell him about the movie. Invariably, our first sentence would be

The Movie is Very Good.

What have we done?

We have given a CERTIFICATE; a JUDGMENT about the movie.

Think a little, are we really authorized to give the Judgment or a Certificate?

What if we would have said “I LIKED THE MOVIE”.

What difference will it make?

Though, prima facie, it might look very similar but makes a huge difference in our approach and understanding.

In the first case where we had formed a Judgment & given a Certificate

We are very firm in our opinion and are not ready to accept if someone says that he movie is bad.

In that case, we might feel that the other has no sense of movies at all. He does not even know what a good movie is.

In this case there is a high probability of entering into an argument because he thinks differently.

You would have seen people like good friends & relatives entering into heated arguments on politics. Two people support two different parties; and they try to prove that their opinion is right.

Good friends & relatives are fighting for the political parties and the irony is that the leaders of these parties do not even know that.

We are only spoiling our relations with our good friends and relatives.

In second case where we had given our opinion

We have said “I liked the movie”. That means, only given our opinion, our point of view.

Not a Certificate or a Judgment.

If we analyze internally in our own core, we would observe that there is enough open space available to accept & accommodate the other’s opinion, even if it is different from ours.

Analyze our language pattern

If we closely analyze our common language pattern, we would observe that making Judgments and giving Certificates is our common practice.

Very frequently we use the sentences like the tea is good, coffee is bad, this person is good, dress is good, plant is bad etc. etc.

Big Reason for unhappiness among couples

Making Judgments & Giving Certificate is one of the major reasons of unhappiness among couples.

Compared to all our relatives & friends, we spend maximum time with our spouse.

I have commonly observed during marriage counseling that as the marriage grows older, couples either don’t have any common topic to discuss because they have different point of views and remain silent;

or enter into heated argument on every small issue they interact.

People may think differently based on their personality types.

We have seen in my last blog Happy Marriage: 1. RESPECT THE DIFFERENCES; that it is very natural for people to think & behave differently based on their Personality Types.

RECOMMENDATION 2: DON’T BE JUDGMENTAL

My second recommendation for a Happy Marriage is:

DO NOT BE JUDGMENTAL

Do an experiment for 2 weeks.

Change your language consciously.

Instead of using the words “Good” or “Bad”; start using the words “I Like” or “I Don’t Like”.

You will observe that you are becoming more and more open to accommodate the point of view of your spouse, even if he/she is different.

As a result your marriage life will be full of happiness & a fulfilling experience.

I will come up with my next recommendation in my next blog.

MERE HUMSAFAR TRAINING

You may attend Mere Humsafar, one day training workshop for couples to make their Love Life & Married Life a happy & a life-long fulfilling experience.

This training covers the following aspects:

1. Know yourself. There is a psychometric test to know about your personality.
2. Know your sweetheart.
3. Understand your sweetheart.

As a result of the training, you will experience that ACCEPTING HIM/ HER THE WAY HE/SHE WILL BE AUTOMATIC.

You may visit our website and attend our other TRAINING WORKSHOPS.

Marriage Counseling & Pre-Marital Counseling

We also provide Relationship counseling sessions for Married Couples and for those who are seeing each other.

Choose the Right Life Partner

If you are not married yet and are looking for a right life partner, we can help you, through psychometric testing, training & counseling, to select the right life partner and enlighten you as to how to handle the differences.

If you have any queries, please Sign Up our Discussion Forum and post your query there.

I would request you to please give your feedback in comment box, whether you like my blog or not. This shall give me a direction whether or not to continue writing on Happy Married Life.

You may also let me know any other topic of your interest in the comment box or discussion forum.

I shall try to take it up in my future communications.

Wish you a very Happy Married Life;

With love & regards,

Dr. Pankaj Gupta

Conquer The Success

9953799435

The post HAPPY MARRIAGE : 2. Don’t Be Judgmental appeared first on Conquer The Success.

“Add Wings to Your Performance”  is a training with an objective to fill the gap between “Attending the Training” and “Implementing the Learning from it”. Once you attend this training, your performance is bound to increase many fold.

We know that there are only two steps to SUCCESS:

1. To decide what to do.
2. To implement the decisions.

(My last blog was on step 1 i.e. “Taking the Right Decision”. If you have not gone through it yet, the link is given below. You may go through it.

Taking The Right Decision

Once you start implementing what you learn or decide, there can be no barriers to Success & Happiness.

My Experience behind designing “Add Wings to Your Performance”

During my 25 years of experience, which includes my Corporate Sector experience too, I got the opportunity to attend various training programs like Leadership Training, Senior Management Training, Team Building, Time Management, Emotional Intelligence and many others.

Like everybody else, I used to make a list of improvement actions during the training, which I would be implementing soon after the training.

Therefore, the training manual and my notes took the most priority space on my table so that it was always visible.

But the practicality was much different.

Soon after returning back from the training, I found many activities waiting for me that needed immediate attention. Meetings, fire fighting, deadlines, targets, customer expectation, departmental issues and many more were there to keep me full time occupied.

As a result, the training manual, after waiting for a few weeks on the table top, got shifted to the topmost drawer, with the intention to start implementing the training learning soon.

Then after a few weeks, training manual slowly and steadily slips to the lower drawers, and hence in the lower priority list.

The life after the training remains the same as it was before the training.

And when I used to check the status with my colleagues, almost everyone was sailing in the same boat.

You can validate from your life experiences.

We know that doing regular exercise, would keep us healthy. We don’t do?

We know that smoking is injurious to health. We smoke.

We know anger is bad and spoils the relations. We do.

We know procrastination or postponing is bad. We do.

And the list is endless.

This very gap between training & implementation gave me pain and always felt that there should be a methodology to fill this gap.

What is “Add Wings to Your Performance” Training

“Add wings to your performance” training is an outcome of my experience and a vision to fill the gap between learning & implementation.

This training is very practical & interactive, where the reasons of not implementing are discussed at length. This training also covers the practical techniques to implement whatever you want to implement.

Many people have already attended this training and got benefited from it.

Once you attend this training, you will also find Success & Happiness in your life.

Who can attend

This training is good for anyone who wants to become successful in life.

Anyone above the age of 15 years can attend this training.

This training will be beneficial to corporate working professionals, entrepreneurs, students, teachers & housewives.

We have over 75 training programs, which you may see at our website Conquer The Success.

Should you have any queries, please write to us on Discussion Forum

Write Your Queries

Regards,

Dr. Pankaj Gupta

+91-99537 99435

The post Add Wings To Your Performance appeared first on Conquer The Success.

Two Basic Needs

SUCCESS & HAPPINESS are our two basic needs. One is incomplete without the other. “SUCCESS” & “HAPPINESS” are like two wings of the bird called LIFE. If both the wings of the bird are healthy, it knows no boundaries and flies to the infinite dimensions of the open sky.

I hope you have seen my earlier blog, wherein we have discussed how our Consciousness moves in and out for SUCCESS & HAPPINESS.

If you have not gone through as yet, I would recommend you to click the link below and go through the blog:

Conquer The Success for Success & Happiness

What is required to become Successful & Happy?

To become SUCCESSFUL & HAPPY, we need to take certain decisions. When we grow in hierarchy or responsibility at workplace, we have to take more decisions. Personal Growth means to take more decisions.

Similarly, at the family level, head of the family has to take more decisions for the family.

What is the meaning of “Taking Decisions”?

“Taking Decision” means to CHOOSE one options among all the available options.

For example, if we have to choose our career, we can choose only one option from all the available career options.

The same is true when we have to choose our higher studies, job or even the life partner.

Every day we need to take so many decisions, i.e. we need to choose one out of many options to achieve the targets, deadlines, selecting the right subordinate, selecting the right business etc.

And the list is endless.

What is the Best Decision?

Best decision is the one which passes the two tests:

1. The decision should give maximum returns, yield, profit, success, satisfaction or happiness.

2. The decisions should require minimum investment of resources like time, money, effort and energy.

Fear of Taking Decision?

Many times we feel difficulty in taking decisions. There are many reasons to that, which can be grouped in the following three categories:

1. We can choose only one option at a time. As a result, all other options automatically get closed.

2. We want to take the best decision i.e. to choose the best option.

3. There is no rewind or undo button in life. Even if we have to change our decision later, we can, but the time lost can never be recovered.

When we take any decision, there is always a fear – IS MY DECISION REALLY THE BEST? AM I MAKING THE BEST CHOICE?

Fear leads to Anxiety

We have to take the decision in “Present” but its correctness can only be validated in “Future”. Before we get to know if the decision was really the best, we would have invested our time, energy, efforts and money which cannot be recovered, in case the decision turns out to be incorrect in future.

This leads to Anxiety.

Anxiety Leads to Indecisiveness

Because of this Anxiety, we tend to postpone the decision or become indecisive. Procrastination becomes our habit, to be able to know the future become our tendency.

As a result, we become indecisive and postpone the decision.

Delay or Indecisiveness further adds to Anxiety

“Indecisiveness” is a word only in the dictionary. Practically, it has no meaning.

Indecisiveness simply means “Deciding, Not to Decide Now.”

Now this delay in taking the decision casts its own negative image on our life.

Postponement might help us to save money, but “Time” is passing by at its own pace. We might lose the opportunity as no opportunity waits for an infinite time. There are deadlines to be met.

This delay or indecisiveness becomes additional reason of our Anxiety. In many cases it is seen that people start to lose their self confidence too.

Can we take the best decision?

So the question is, CAN WE REALLY TAKE THE BEST DECISION?

Practically, it is NOT POSSIBLE, as there is no technique to know in PRESENT, if the decision being taken will come out to be the best or not.

What is the solution?

So, there can be three possibilities:

1. Postponing the decision.
2. Not taking the decision at all.
3. Choose one out of many available options now.

Accordingly, there will be the EFFECT on the future.

So the solution is to evaluate the PROBABLE EFFECT of all the available options against our EXPECTATION.

There are various scientific & statistically proven methods of evaluation.

These methods will only help you to REDUCE THE RISK of the decision being wrong. However, no method will GUARANTEE.

Last but the most important

Acceptance of the result

In-spite of taking the best possible decisions, there will still be certain uncontrolled factors or risks beyond your control, which may adversely affect the result.

For example, a farmer may do his best for his crops, but if there is no rain or flood or any other uncontrolled factor, still he will not get the desired yield. During the process, he would have invested the money, time, effort & energy.

Taking the Right Decision Training

We have designed a training “Taking The Right Decision” to help you learn various important tools & techniques to evaluate the effect of options on the result.

This training also empowers you to graciously accept the result, good or bad. If the result is not as per your expectation, what more can be done.

It is very practical & effective Training that will not only help you to TAKE THE DECISION ON TIME but also to cope up with your ANXIETIES while taking the decision.

Take Away from the “Taking The Right Decision” Training

TAKE THE BEST PROBABLE DECISION. PUT YOUR BEST EFFORT AND MAKE IT THE BEST DECISION.

Once you decide what to do and empowered to do without being much fearful about the future, you have taken the FIRST STEP TO SUCCESS. Success & Happiness will be yours.

Who can attend this training?

“Taking The Right Decision” training has three variation for:

1. Corporate Working Professionals.
2. For College Students
3. For School Students

Other Training Programs

We have designed various training programs for Corporate, Entrepreneurs, College Students, School Students, Teachers, Parenting, Relationship & Clinical Hypnotherapy. Please visit Conquer The Success.

Should you have any queries, you may write to us on the Discussion Forum.

Queries

Dr. Pankaj Gupta

9953799435

The post Taking The Right Decision appeared first on Conquer The Success.

Happy Married Life is considered as a joke. You might have heard people asking “Are you MARRIED OR HAPPY?”

But I say, that it is very much possible to be MARRIED & HAPPY. Happy Married Life is a possibility.

The Sweetheart in life

The dusk of teenage gives us a beautiful parting gift of a darling Sweetheart, which enriches our life with thrill, excitement, joy, love and romance. The life gets a new meaning. Love becomes an amazingly thrilling experience.

Wherever we might be, our heart is always with the Sweetheart and the Sweetheart remains in the heart. mind & soul.  A persistent craving to meet the Sweetheart is always there. The love & romance is in the air. We can die for the sweetheart; we can live for the sweetheart.

We enjoy every moment of being together. Whenever we are with the Sweetheart, the time flies. We keep discussing for hours and hours sitting in parks, restaurants or canteens.

The change begins

Unfortunately, a day comes, when ‘I LOVE YOU’ becomes ‘IT’S OVER’. The LOVE gets over from the relationship. Now it is matter of convenience or kids or family & social values to either continue in the marriage bond or go for divorce.

Among, the couples, who have not yet tied up in the marriage bond immediately go for a Break-up.

Even if you are together, the persistent craving to meet and talk to each other is no more there. We carry the baggage of the dead relationship only in the name of family value. We start finding ways and means to avoid. The relationship gets torn apart. Entire atmosphere becomes tense, heavy and painful.

We live together but try to avoid the other, we start engaging ourselves in other activities so that we have very little time to spend together. Even the smallest of the discussion now gets converted into an argument.

Watching movie remains the only source of entertainment where we are together; and still have no opportunity to discuss anything. SMART WAY TO AVOID CONFLICTS.

The time, whenever we are together, appears to be eternal.

This transition from ‘I LOVE YOU’ to ‘IT’S OVER’ or ‘MARRIAGE’ to ‘DIVORCE’ is very painful. Many people are not able to cope up with this change and enter into depression.

It is very painful to know that the one of the major reason for suicide is family problems.

Same Reason for Attraction & Break-up

You will be surprised to know that the very reasons because of which we got attracted to each other is the reasons of avoidance, break-up or divorce.

Let us understand by an example.

The one towards whom we got attracted because he/she looked like a chirping bird, a social butterfly, meeting friends so freely, center of attraction, showing self presence etc. starts appearing immature, unplanned or kiddish after some time. And the relationship starts to become bad.

Similarly, the one towards whom we got attracted because he/she looked to be mature, knowledgeable, not boosting about self, self contented, sincere, serious etc. starts to appear boring, workaholic, not loving after sometime. And the relationship starts to become bad.

Single Rule for Happy Couple/ Married Life

There is only one single rule for HAPPY LOVE LIFE/ MARRIED LIFE –> Understand the other and accept the way he/ she is.

The main problem that neither we know ourselves, nor the other. We are conditioned from the very beginning that the one is not like us is wrong.

The other is not wrong; he/she is different. We need to appreciate the differences. The one who does not think like me is not necessarily  wrong.

MERE HUMSAFAR TRAINING

“Mere Humsafar” is one day training workshop specially designed for couples keeping in mind as to how their love life & married life be made happy & a life long fulfilling experience.

This training covers the following aspects:

1. Know yourself. There is a psychometric test to know about your personality.
2. Know your sweetheart.
3. Understand your sweetheart.

As a result of the training, you will experience that ACCEPTING HIM/ HER THE WAY HE/SHE IS WILL BE AUTOMATIC.

Marriage Counseling & Pre-Marital Counseling

We also provide Relationship counseling sessions for Married Couples and those who are seeing each other.

Choose the Right Life Partner

If you are not married yet and are looking for a right life partner, we help you to select the right life partner.

However, we are not a marriage bureau.

If you have any queries, please Sign Up our Discussion Forum by clicking the link below.

Discussion Forum

Dr. Pankaj Gupta

Conquer The Success

9953799435

The post INCREASE HAPPINESS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS appeared first on Conquer The Success.